A little girl lies on her master's lap.

How to be Bominant in a BDSM Relationship?

 

By now, you're probably familiar with BDSM, which includes bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism. Whether inspired by erotic literature, movies, or the popular Fifty Shades of Gray series, if the idea of domination turns you on, it's time to explore. Before we dive into how to dominate, understand the dynamics. Being "top" means leading the way, and domination adds power to the mix. Dominance can be physical, sexual, financial, or mental. For a mutually consensual and enjoyable experience, explore these effective and enjoyable domination techniques.

 

Why would Anyone Want to be Dominated?

There are many reasons why someone might desire to be dominated. First, it can add excitement and novelty to your sex life. Exploring a different, more submissive side in the bedroom allows individuals to engage in power plays and experience new sensations.

 

Although Kink and BDSM may seem intense, they offer a fun way to enrich your sexual experience and deepen your connection with your partner.

 

Additionally, the desire to be dominated may stem from contrast with everyday life. For those who are used to taking charge and making decisions in their daily lives, committing in the bedroom can provide a refreshing change and a break from their usual roles. Being dominated can serve as an escape, in contrast to the demands placed on the individual in one's own life.

 

How do you determine if your partner is willing to be dominated?

Determining whether your partner is willing to be dominated requires open and honest communication. Communicate with your partner regularly and create a safe space where they feel comfortable expressing their wants, needs, and desires clearly.

 

Observing body language and physical cues in daily life can provide some insights. I suggest that interestingly introducing elements of dominance in low-stakes scenarios can help gauge their reactions. For example, reaching across the table at dinner and taking something off the plate with a playful smile can be a subtle test.

 

However, it's important to remember that some people may be open to the idea of being dominated but may not appreciate the specific actions. So, no matter what the signals or interesting tests are, it's crucial to discuss desires and boundaries before engaging in a BDSM dynamic.

 

 

What do you Need to Know?

BDSM covers a spectrum and control can take many forms, from mild restraint to more intense activities. It's important to realize that dominance may mean different things to you than to someone else, and there's no one-size-fits-all approach.

 

Contrary to media portrayals, kinks don't have to be extreme. You can easily incorporate power play into your sex life in a safe, convenient, and fun way. The key is to find a method that works for you and your partner and explore at a comfortable pace.

 

Before accepting a dominant role, take some time to think about how you feel about it. Not everyone is attracted to domination, and that's perfectly acceptable. Consent and open communication are crucial, so discuss boundaries with your partner before engaging in any BDSM play. This ensures that you both are on the same page about what is and is not acceptable.

 

An effective way to establish boundaries is to fill out a "yes/no/maybe" checklist with your partner before engaging in any BDSM play. Each of you can fill out the list individually and then discuss and compare your answers. Items marked "no" are off-limits, "yes" indicates yes, and "maybe" requires detailed discussion to clarify expectations. Creating a personalized yes/no/maybe list or using an existing template found online can help facilitate this process.

 

Once limitations and desires are expressed, establishing a safe word is crucial. This term allows either side to stop play if it becomes too intense or they wish to stop play. Popular safe words include "pineapple" and "red," chosen because they are currently easy to use.

 

I would suggest that aftercare after a race is crucial. Aftercare includes activities that make your partner feel loved and cared for, and meet their emotional and physical needs. This might include cuddling in bed, sharing a bathtub, or receiving a massage from a dominant partner. Making sure your partner is healthy after play can help to have a positive and respectful BDSM experience.

 

Top view of young couple cuddling in bed in morning

When it comes to dominating your partner, it's important to realize that BDSM exists on a spectrum, and what domination means to you may be different to someone else. Contrary to media portrayals, kink is not necessarily an extreme version of sex. It's a convenient way to incorporate power play into your sex life, making it safe, fun, and enjoyable.

 

Domination can include a wide range of activities, from mild restraint to edging with tools such as cock rings. There's a broad middle ground, so you don't have to start with intense or extreme exercises.

 

Before accepting the role of a dom, it is necessary to reflect and understand your own level of comfort in playing this role. Not everyone is inclined to dominate, and that's totally okay. Consent and passion are key to any sexual exploration.

 

If you're ready to explore BDSM play, start by establishing clear boundaries with your partner. Open communication about what is acceptable and prohibited ensures that both parties are on the same page and can have a mutually agreeable and enjoyable experience.

 

 

Are there any risks when you are dominating your partner?

 

Before engaging in BDSM activities, it is crucial to prioritize safety and consider potential risks. Effective communication between partners is key, including discussions about limits, boundaries, and the establishment of safe words. In situations where verbal communication may be limited by restraints, non-verbal signals should also be agreed upon.

 

Consent is paramount and should be ongoing, passionate and mutual. Before diving into BDSM practices, it’s crucial to establish a solid foundation of trust with your partner. While BDSM can be a satisfying experience, it also has potential risks, especially if not handled with care.

 

Like any sexual activity, engaging in BDSM with the wrong partner can become dangerous. Open communication and asking questions can help ensure that both parties are on the same page regarding their desires and comfort levels.

 

Additionally, I recommend a clear definition of the specific activities involved, whether it's light bondage and dirty talk, or more intense exercises like pegging and high heel banging play. It’s crucial to understand and respect your partner’s boundaries.

 

In case of unforeseen circumstances, it is recommended to have a first aid kit and a charged mobile phone nearby. For activities involving fluid exchange or penetration, barrier methods such as condoms or gloves should be considered. Prioritizing safety at all stages of BDSM play helps create a positive and consensual experience.

 

How should I Dominate My Partner?

Once both parties are enthusiastic about reaching an agreed-upon level of dominance, it's important to start slowly and introduce new elements one at a time. The pleasure of both parties needs to be prioritized throughout the experience. Here are some ways to control your partner, from basic to more intense:

 

  1. Let them watch you undress and only allow them to touch you with your permission.
  2. Stick to polite words, such as "please" and "thank you."
  3. Assign tasks such as rubbing feet, getting you a drink, or doing chores around the house.
  4. Issue direct orders, substitute requests, such as directing them to change positions or perform specific actions.
  5. Insist that they kneel at your feet and worship you, including kissing, licking, or sucking them.
  6. Specify what they should wear when they enter the bedroom during their submissive moment.
  7. Ask them to call you by your title, such as "mistress."
  8. Explore light suffocation.
  9. Practice orgasm control and edging, determine when they can climax, and impose an agreed-upon punishment if they do so without permission.
  10. Be clear about when they can and cannot make eye contact during sex.
  11. Use handcuffs or blindfolds.
  12. Experiment with temperature changes using ice or hot wax.
  13. Try using a flogger, paddle, cane or whip for a game of banging.
  14. Introduce restrictive elements such as gags, leashes, collars or cages.
  15. Explore rope or rope play to combine pain, pleasure and dominance.
  16. Use clamps for nipple, ball or clitoral play.
  17. Try using a chastity cage or belt.

 

Whether it's tying them to the bed or playfully stealing chips from their plate, consensually dominating your partner is a fun, liberating way to spice things up in your relationship. Enjoy exploring!

Back to blog