Sexy couple touching each other on the sofa.

Improving Intimacy: The Nature of Foreplay

Foreplay, also known as extraplay, consists of a series of intimate actions and behaviors designed to stimulate sexual arousal, pleasure, excitement, and desire. In addition to physical activity, it also extends to mental and verbal engagement. The ultimate goal is to cultivate a high state of sexual arousal, ensuring that both partners are mentally, emotionally, and physically ready and comfortable for a satisfying sexual experience.

Uncovering the Essence of Foreplay

Foreplay is the prelude to sexual intimacy and its important purpose is to arouse and prepare all parties involved for sexual intercourse. In addition to physical contact, it includes activities such as suggestive communication, kissing, hugging, dirty talk, non-penetrative sex, and the use of sexy products.

Foreplay goes beyond the physical realm and emphasizes building connection and intimacy between partners. Experimenting with different foreplay techniques is encouraged to discover what works best for each couple.

Foreplay is especially important for women and people with vulvas, as they often take longer to reach higher levels of arousal and potential orgasm. It helps with vaginal lubrication for comfortable penetration and stimulates blood flow to the clitoris, increasing sensitivity and receptivity to pleasure.

The role of foreplay in creating physical arousal and emotional energy connection. Recognizing the importance of foreplay for women, who may take more time to become aroused, foreplay can promote attunement to each other's needs, build excitement, generate anticipation, and contribute to long-term relationship satisfaction.

Contrary to popular assumptions, a study shows that the ideal length of foreplay is the same for men and women, shattering gender-based stereotypes about foreplay timing preferences.

Beyond Contact to Enhance Intimacy

Foreplay goes beyond physical contact and plays a key role in promoting connection and intimacy between partners.

Incorporating a variety of activities into foreplay, such as oral sex and self-stimulation, is linked to a longer-lasting sexual experience, according to one study. To facilitate more foreplay in a relationship, communication is key. Questions such as “We could try…” or “Have you ever thought about…” initiate conversation, thereby promoting open dialogue rather than creating an atmosphere of inappropriate behavior.

The importance of expressing readiness or preference for penetration, consider foreplay to be an ongoing process that extends beyond the last contact. Building anticipation for future encounters becomes a core aspect, encouraging partners to explore ways to enhance the overall experience.

The Complexity of Foreplay: How It Affects Your Brain and Body

Mental Stimulation:

Foreplay goes beyond the physical and plays a vital role in preparing the mind for sexual encounters. It has the potential to release oxytocin (often known as the love hormone) while lowering cortisol levels (the major stress hormone) in the body.

Physical Stimulation:

As a catalyst for sexual preparation, foreplay triggers a series of physical reactions. It increases heart rate, pulse and dilates blood vessels in the genitals, stimulating the body and increasing sexual arousal. Additionally, foreplay helps increase lubrication, enhancing the comfort and pleasure of subsequent sexual experiences.

Emotional Stimulation:

Foreplay is the foundation for establishing and maintaining an emotional connection with your partner. Not only does it bring you closer together, but it also enhances intimacy and cultivates a higher state of arousal for the upcoming sexual encounter.

Different Perspectives on Foreplay

Foreplay is subjective and everyone has a different opinion. While some people consider it an important part of sex and relationships, others may find it largely unnecessary and prefer to transition directly to sexual intercourse.

In the LGBTQIA+ community, foreplay may be viewed differently than in heterosexual relationships. For some, an act typically classified as foreplay may take center stage, challenging traditional norms.

The importance of open and honest communication about sexual interests. Acknowledging the potential challenges, we recommends accepting compromise and finding middle ground when discussing different preferences with partners. Ongoing conversations are key, and recognize that sexual interests may change over time.

Exploring Foreplay: the Many Facets of the Experience


Kiss your partner, explore preferences and exchange tips.

Extend kisses to areas beyond the lips, such as neck, ears, belly, back, thighs, etc.

Try various techniques such as sucking, biting or licking to discover your erogenous zones.


While hugging is not inherently sexual, it can promote intimacy and emotional connection.

Enhance intimacy between partners.


Enjoy or give a massage to increase intimacy in a relationship.

Happy attractive woman relaxing and having massage in spa salon

Call or Message:

Say "dirty words" or whisper sweet nothings to build anticipation.

Messages or "sexting" can also play a role in foreplay.


Play games to discover each other's preferences and gradually arouse sexual desire before sex.

Dress up:

Explore dress-up or incorporate fantasy into foreplay.

Use accessories like blindfolds or handcuffs to increase excitement.

Close Contact:

Mutual masturbation or intimate contact can build intimacy and prepare you for sex.


Masturbating or stimulating the genitals during foreplay can have a positive impact on subsequent sexual experiences.

Foreplay is a varied and personalized experience, with a variety of activities that contribute to sexual arousal and connection between partners.

Define the Boundaries of Foreplay

Foreplay usually does not include penetration, but the difference between sex and foreplay varies from person to person. While there's no strict definition, some people consider activities like oral or anal sex to be part of foreplay leading up to the main event. Depending on the perspective, these acts are performed either as part of foreplay or as the main focus of the sexual encounter.

Explore Preferences in Intimate Relationships

If you or your partner find foreplay unpleasant, open and honest communication is crucial. Start the conversation in a relaxed setting, such as in bed or in a calm, private moment. Express your thoughts, feelings, and needs openly to promote understanding between partners.

While foreplay has its benefits, alternatives can be explored. Skipping foreplay or doing a different activity before sex, such as cooking or watching a movie together, can be valid options. The key is to find something that both you and your partner are comfortable with.

Potential Reasons for not Liking Foreplay:

  1. Past Negative Experiences: Trauma or negative experiences may affect a person’s enjoyment of foreplay.
  2. Insecurity: Fear of doing something wrong, fear of having “too much” or the repercussions of insecurity.
  3. Fear of Rejection: Fear of rejection, difficulty finding happiness, or overthinking may be factors.
  4. Personal Preference: Simple dislike or lack of fun may be a reason.

Resolve Preference Differences:

  1. Open Communication: Openly discuss preferences, boundaries, and interests early in the relationship.
  2. Trauma Support: For those with trauma-related issues, individual therapy can help with recovery and a return to comfort.
  3. Couples Counseling: Seek guidance from a sex therapist or couples counselor for additional support.

In addressing these issues, the goal is to create a space of understanding, compassion, and potential pathways for healing and connection.

Back to blog